Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
