do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
