I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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