Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize