Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
