I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
