I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
