she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You are a genius and a whore.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
