We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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