So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
