I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just pee around me
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
