Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
