Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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