Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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