You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
