I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
