No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
