Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
