Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
