Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
