sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
