Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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