I heard we made out
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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