You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize