Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
