R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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