But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
