You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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