Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
