She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
