i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
