Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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