i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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