just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
