never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
