How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Randomize
