Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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