I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize