we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
There r osticjed everywhere
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
