Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
