Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
