Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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