I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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