Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize