She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
