whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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