she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
