Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
