I think i peed on brittanys purse
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
