I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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