I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize