Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
