just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize