she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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