thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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