i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
