i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
