What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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