im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
