He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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