WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
