my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize