can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
