Do you still have your period?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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