Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
