I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
