we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
