shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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