I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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