I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
