I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize