found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
