I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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