yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
