i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
