Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
