i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
