Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
