even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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