life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
